You Could Be Happy
First off can I say thanks for 100 followers! There’s more to come.
The year is looking better. March associates herself with the month that sea turtles confuse city lights for the moon. I painted this stanza on a tree stump in the garden:
“where have all the flowers gone?
The sun is melting away winter with his
Apollo axe, the coldness cracks and underneath
Are the flowers, springing to life.”
Edwardo is the ideal gentleman. I’m happy he loves me enough not to accept my perpetual mood swings. The hardest concept I’ve been battling on the inside this past week is feeling beautiful. In a world of photographers and models, artists alike, the way you look means so much. There’s even research that supports looking good earns you better salaries. The competition always leaves me feeling excluded and like I will never have enough to offer.
These toxic emotions blur the stage that Edwardo sets with his romantic love. He’ll tell me I’m beautiful, but the first thought that fires in my brain is, well, that’s not true. You check out beautiful women on the web, and can look at me and say that. It’s gotten to the point where I blatantly call him a liar.
Why he stays committed to me is beyond my comprehension sometimes. That is the root of my misery. I know I’m crazy, who thinks this negatively so much? Who in their right mind sits besides themselves to lash out unbearable accusations? Lately, I’m commiting mental energy to saying 2 nice things about myself for every hurtful thing I think about. And while I should be focused on my beautiful personality he loves, I’m more concerned with my flaws.
There was an article I read in ELLE about a man who had breasts. You know how some men have too much estrogen? Well, he let this get in the way of his social relationships, his love relationships, and in the end, he realized that
no one invests as much time in your problems
as you do
In a previous post I discussed some trinkets I splurged on at the thrift store. For next to nothing, I got a book called 365 Ways to Live Happy. There’s a couple of things I’m constantly trying to improve, for example, my jealousy.
#4 CHANGE ONE OF YOUR FAULTS
I’m working on being less of a clutter bug too
# 19 RELEASE THE PAST & APPRECIATE THE PRESENT
the month of March of April are the cruelest. They always have been that way for me, ever since I can remember. This is a really important one, because lately I’ve been a wreck and letting stupid shit get in the way of my abundant sunshine.
#16 MEMORIZE A FUNNY JOKE & SHARE IT
don’t feel shy to follow ❤