The Quest for an Abudance in Sunshine

where you find: the key to happiness, personal experience, a redhead's poetry, book reviews, new science, nature, rock'n alt. medicine

Tag: art

Let The Animal Inside Your Body Love What It Loves

I woke up again in the middle of the night after a four hour sleep, feeling anxious as if I was back in the restaurant. In my dream I was dropping the customer’s money, it was all getting mixed up, and they were all impatient – I already knew i wasn’t getting a tip from any table. It’s been like this almost every day for a month straight, and I’ve only worked there since the end of May. I am so unhappy as a server – it’s not as easy sounding as “delivering food” but I’m not here to justify why I feel so ashamed that I shut my eyes tightly, wrapped in my blanket, next to Eduardo. Tears seeped through the cracks of my eyelashes and spilled into my other eye. All I wanted was for those around me to have happiness. I’d been away from Florida almost 2 years. I have the things I wanted that I didn’t have – whenever I felt bad about my job, I wrote down the things I was grateful for. Remember when the trailer you lived in didn’t have a shower or place to wash dishes? Remember when you didn’t have a car, and you had to walk 11 miles to town just for a job that paid you under the table? I’ve been reading blogs about people who leave their lives in New York or some city, who leave their mortgage and their coveted 9-5 job for van life. I’d love a slower pace job, where I didn’t wear a uniform and run around refilling drinks hoping that guests left a dollar over 10%, to cover tipshare. Hoping I didn’t get sat a 17 big top. I’d love a job where I was at a desk, even if the hours dragged by, at least I’d be treated fairly. All I wanted was for those around me to have happiness – I was so grateful to have this apartment with my AC, and a place to shower, because I remembered having to take showers at my Aunt’s when I had the chance, and laying naked in the trailer, sweating in the Florida summer. It was so hard to find a job in my last town, but here in East Texas, you could pick one up at any glorified fast food place. And here I was, finally with the things I needed for basic survival, i could afford food and gas and the internet, a fridge, things most young people take for granted. And here I was, my soul silent, because I was so bitter. Bitter that my mom had to work to death. That Eduardo couldn’t make movies. That I wasn’t a writer like I dreamed of being since my earliest memory, stuffing receipts and envelopes into my great grandparents typewriter, so i could hear it chirp like a bird.

I am reluctant to leave my position for something that doesn’t pay as much. If you’re an experience server, and can handle waiting on 30 people, you bring home a lot of money. I know servers I work with bring home almost 500 dollars a week. Plus my 2.15/hr, I make at least 10/hr. But the stress – the abuse, sometimes it doesn’t bounce off me.

I’ve spoken to my manager each time I got overwhelmed, a brief one-on-one in his crammed office. He has a way of making decisions for me. I told him I wanted nothing more than to work a few times a week and that i’d find another job. “you want more hours? I’ll give you more hours. And there’s nothing to feel ashamed about not being able to handle this, we’ll give you a 4-table section.” But still, I was trapped in the weeds, and I could tell after messing up with that big top, he wanted to fire me. But he needed me to cover his split shifts – the lowest ranked shift on the totem pole.

I tell myself to stay positive, it’s money every day and if I do this for a year, I can go back to school. And then I started to cry, because there are so many symbols in my life that meant I wanted to reinvent myself. The violin I finally got, but can’t tune. The pharmacy technician trainee certificate, a sign that I wanted to be better at math. My hula-hoop, a plastic circle that symbolized my passion to dance. But I had tried to get into ballet, and that was too far. (You can read my other blog, HALO for that chapter) And all the blogs i printed out about living in a van and traveling, because I wanted to see my family, and because I wanted to go to the mountains.

I fought back tears because I knew that if deep down, I was not living my purpose, how tortured does Eduardo feel, not having the money to produce his movies? How does my mother feel, wanting to go to college, but not having the time or energy from her job?

And then, it struck me, that I should just pick up my violin, drive to the next town in my beat up Pontiac, and get it tuned, and play outside, and take online lessons. (violinlab.com offers in depth online tutoring for less than 25 bucks a month! )To drive to my friend’s house and ask her if I can borrow her ballet barre dvd and install a “barre” from the bamboo Eduardo cut down. That I should go to the library and print out the free pdf file from http://www.pharmacy-tech-test.com/pharmacy-tech-book.html, and buy the medical dosage calculations books and study. That I should buy an LED hoop so I can get lost in my flow.

And I kept thinking about all the books that affected my life. I’ve always believed that certain books come into your life at the time you need to read them. How at one point, I stopped reading fiction and poetry so I could read about war, history, and travel memoirs and spirituality and yoga. And I knew, deep down, I needed to write books.

Fall Fashion Style

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stripped and ripped jeans

Hey ya’ll I need help raising money for a violin. A guest violinst offered to teach me with 14 + years experience. Due to unfortunate circumstances, I’ve been rock bottom. Let me share my favorite pin interest style posts, and please consider donating a cup of tea – it’s beneficial for every one involved! Contribute to THE HELP @ http://igg.me/p/555630/x/4196431

happiness<

Free Write Thursday

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click to enlarge! want more helpful tips donate $1 to THE HELP @ http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-help–2/x/4196431

I’ll post 5 tips for better fiction writing, and with your support, I can provide more useful information. Have a question about writing you’re stuck on? Comment below!!

DIY Macrame Bracelet


Choose your signature charms, jump rings and take a handful of bangles (who doesn’t have these somewhere?) and embroidery thread!

embroidery thread

You can make it more memoriable by taking your BFF to the nearest bead store. Beady eyed Bff’s! Lavish in your unique style ladies.

You’ll wrap the thread around the bangle, then attach the charm using a jump ring. TRY THIS: Know the square knot? This adds detail or try switching colors.)

Feel free to use the reblog feature guys (: Let me know how you do and comment below cuz I wanna see what you guys come up with<3

P.s. sorry for the lame layout, I would've taken a picture of my handmade bracelets, but i cannot find my dear usb cable.

like my posts? i try to pick things to write about that will make you smile and only you can make a huge difference in my life, please support my music THE HELP @ http://igg.me/p/555630/x/4196431

Healthy Snack

There’s not too much going on in my kitchen. I’m always searching for quick, healthy snacks instead of opting for Cheetos. Who better recipes to steal from then celebrities? Lex from modeljourney spills the seeds, pumpkin seeds that is, and goji berries for a super food snack! Yummy!

http://modeljourney.com/2013/05/16/healthy-snack/

Thanks again to Lex for her support on my last campaign BE LOVE NOW. Go visit her site, such raw footage documenting the life of a professional model. There’s makeup reviews and gorgeous photos! Make a kind donation on my quest to bring music into my life, in return i’ll bring you what you like to read best-

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-help–2/x/4196431

Follow if you think this post catches your attention (:

The Grim Reaper Quotes 3 Things Relevant to Art

“Art is pleasing yourself…but you can please yourself and it wont be art. Art is having the mastery to take your experience, whether it’s visual or mental, & make meaningful shapes that convey a reality to others.”
vonkate-blanchett1“Art continues to repay attention.”

“Art reaches its greates peak when devoid of self-consciousness. Freedom discovers man the moment he loses concern of what impression he is making or about to make.”

note from blogger: credit for the first photo goes to the talented Eduardo. Ask how you can help his artistic vision by liking this status.

LBR

like my status

 

Fade to White

abbey lee kershawHere’s 8 Things I Love for some cerebral stimulation. (Themed white) Inspire to inflict change in my life, donate here http://igg.me/at/belovenow/x/4196431, 3 days left to reach my 80 dollar goal. It’s all up to you! Alsooooo these posts are inspired by my short story epiphany i got yesterday afternoon, smoking a ciggy with my dog.

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Kiss Me Already

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If I was doing this at your dairy store, I’d be holding a sign in front of my face. Other chicks snort “Get a real job.” I’d have a bucket of daisy’s given by the farmer’s market to give to passerby who connect with me for that infinite one minute. This is directed to the rare population of generous passerby who know that a gesture of charity reveals impersonal love.

4 days left to raise 80 dollars! If everyone of my followers donated a buck, I’d have enough to buy my violin and encourage other young adults to live in loving awareness. Only you can help!

 

http://igg.me/at/belovenow/x/4196431

Tie Loose Ends

steve smith

art by Steve Smith

Growing up in Southern California, I made macrame bracelets for friends. That was a long time ago. A dancer looking out for me in Colorado gave me an incredibly generous gift: crochet needles, yarn, and books. I’ve been non stop tying knots. It feels therapeutic to me. I went through my junk cigar box and picked out charms. I’m tying time in knots, inspired by themes around my room – the news on war, Eduardo’s camo jacket, my attitude not to look back. Matching colors with meanings. It was almost like a rite of passage when I learned the square knot.

We’re taking the greyhound in a week. I’m so excited to start our life in a new city. I hope I won’t get too nervous. My short term goals:

– get a job at Walgreens or a resturant
– support my love and best friend as he works impressively in the oil fields
– sell bracelets for tuition
– continue my daily fitness regimen
– take lots of pictures

My long term goals:

– get a second part time job for tuition
– buy a car
– enroll in a dance class
– become a pharmacy technician

Napoleon Hill advises “to create a definite plan of action and begin at once, without hesitation.”