The Quest for an Abudance in Sunshine

where you find: the key to happiness, personal experience, a redhead's poetry, book reviews, new science, nature, rock'n alt. medicine

Tag: happiness

Let The Animal Inside Your Body Love What It Loves

I woke up again in the middle of the night after a four hour sleep, feeling anxious as if I was back in the restaurant. In my dream I was dropping the customer’s money, it was all getting mixed up, and they were all impatient – I already knew i wasn’t getting a tip from any table. It’s been like this almost every day for a month straight, and I’ve only worked there since the end of May. I am so unhappy as a server – it’s not as easy sounding as “delivering food” but I’m not here to justify why I feel so ashamed that I shut my eyes tightly, wrapped in my blanket, next to Eduardo. Tears seeped through the cracks of my eyelashes and spilled into my other eye. All I wanted was for those around me to have happiness. I’d been away from Florida almost 2 years. I have the things I wanted that I didn’t have – whenever I felt bad about my job, I wrote down the things I was grateful for. Remember when the trailer you lived in didn’t have a shower or place to wash dishes? Remember when you didn’t have a car, and you had to walk 11 miles to town just for a job that paid you under the table? I’ve been reading blogs about people who leave their lives in New York or some city, who leave their mortgage and their coveted 9-5 job for van life. I’d love a slower pace job, where I didn’t wear a uniform and run around refilling drinks hoping that guests left a dollar over 10%, to cover tipshare. Hoping I didn’t get sat a 17 big top. I’d love a job where I was at a desk, even if the hours dragged by, at least I’d be treated fairly. All I wanted was for those around me to have happiness – I was so grateful to have this apartment with my AC, and a place to shower, because I remembered having to take showers at my Aunt’s when I had the chance, and laying naked in the trailer, sweating in the Florida summer. It was so hard to find a job in my last town, but here in East Texas, you could pick one up at any glorified fast food place. And here I was, finally with the things I needed for basic survival, i could afford food and gas and the internet, a fridge, things most young people take for granted. And here I was, my soul silent, because I was so bitter. Bitter that my mom had to work to death. That Eduardo couldn’t make movies. That I wasn’t a writer like I dreamed of being since my earliest memory, stuffing receipts and envelopes into my great grandparents typewriter, so i could hear it chirp like a bird.

I am reluctant to leave my position for something that doesn’t pay as much. If you’re an experience server, and can handle waiting on 30 people, you bring home a lot of money. I know servers I work with bring home almost 500 dollars a week. Plus my 2.15/hr, I make at least 10/hr. But the stress – the abuse, sometimes it doesn’t bounce off me.

I’ve spoken to my manager each time I got overwhelmed, a brief one-on-one in his crammed office. He has a way of making decisions for me. I told him I wanted nothing more than to work a few times a week and that i’d find another job. “you want more hours? I’ll give you more hours. And there’s nothing to feel ashamed about not being able to handle this, we’ll give you a 4-table section.” But still, I was trapped in the weeds, and I could tell after messing up with that big top, he wanted to fire me. But he needed me to cover his split shifts – the lowest ranked shift on the totem pole.

I tell myself to stay positive, it’s money every day and if I do this for a year, I can go back to school. And then I started to cry, because there are so many symbols in my life that meant I wanted to reinvent myself. The violin I finally got, but can’t tune. The pharmacy technician trainee certificate, a sign that I wanted to be better at math. My hula-hoop, a plastic circle that symbolized my passion to dance. But I had tried to get into ballet, and that was too far. (You can read my other blog, HALO for that chapter) And all the blogs i printed out about living in a van and traveling, because I wanted to see my family, and because I wanted to go to the mountains.

I fought back tears because I knew that if deep down, I was not living my purpose, how tortured does Eduardo feel, not having the money to produce his movies? How does my mother feel, wanting to go to college, but not having the time or energy from her job?

And then, it struck me, that I should just pick up my violin, drive to the next town in my beat up Pontiac, and get it tuned, and play outside, and take online lessons. (violinlab.com offers in depth online tutoring for less than 25 bucks a month! )To drive to my friend’s house and ask her if I can borrow her ballet barre dvd and install a “barre” from the bamboo Eduardo cut down. That I should go to the library and print out the free pdf file from http://www.pharmacy-tech-test.com/pharmacy-tech-book.html, and buy the medical dosage calculations books and study. That I should buy an LED hoop so I can get lost in my flow.

And I kept thinking about all the books that affected my life. I’ve always believed that certain books come into your life at the time you need to read them. How at one point, I stopped reading fiction and poetry so I could read about war, history, and travel memoirs and spirituality and yoga. And I knew, deep down, I needed to write books.

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4 Hair Styles with Bandana

I have my own collection of bandana’s and this is a perfect guide to easy styles. Must-haves for extremly curly hair, not just for the bad hair days but to have more natural days.


support THE HELP http://igg.me/p/555630/x/4196431

http://jointhemood.blogspot.com.es/2013/07/hairstyle-with-bandana-part-4-peinado.html

Free Write Thursday

fwt 3

click to enlarge! want more helpful tips donate $1 to THE HELP @ http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-help–2/x/4196431

I’ll post 5 tips for better fiction writing, and with your support, I can provide more useful information. Have a question about writing you’re stuck on? Comment below!!

DIY Macrame Bracelet


Choose your signature charms, jump rings and take a handful of bangles (who doesn’t have these somewhere?) and embroidery thread!

embroidery thread

You can make it more memoriable by taking your BFF to the nearest bead store. Beady eyed Bff’s! Lavish in your unique style ladies.

You’ll wrap the thread around the bangle, then attach the charm using a jump ring. TRY THIS: Know the square knot? This adds detail or try switching colors.)

Feel free to use the reblog feature guys (: Let me know how you do and comment below cuz I wanna see what you guys come up with<3

P.s. sorry for the lame layout, I would've taken a picture of my handmade bracelets, but i cannot find my dear usb cable.

like my posts? i try to pick things to write about that will make you smile and only you can make a huge difference in my life, please support my music THE HELP @ http://igg.me/p/555630/x/4196431

Healthy Snack

There’s not too much going on in my kitchen. I’m always searching for quick, healthy snacks instead of opting for Cheetos. Who better recipes to steal from then celebrities? Lex from modeljourney spills the seeds, pumpkin seeds that is, and goji berries for a super food snack! Yummy!

http://modeljourney.com/2013/05/16/healthy-snack/

Thanks again to Lex for her support on my last campaign BE LOVE NOW. Go visit her site, such raw footage documenting the life of a professional model. There’s makeup reviews and gorgeous photos! Make a kind donation on my quest to bring music into my life, in return i’ll bring you what you like to read best-

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-help–2/x/4196431

Follow if you think this post catches your attention (:

The Curly Commandments

curly commandments

I put this all together, click to enlarge 🙂

Our duffle bags are packed, I can’t help but characterize myself with the possessions in my carry on: artsy tool kits, beads, yarn, brushes, my VS lingerie, writing fiction text books, video camera, yoga mat, and incense burner. I’m sad to leave our insturments and books with my mom, but it’s so much better to take just what we need.

My thanks goes out again to model Lex from modeljourney.wordpress.com for her contribution. Also thanks to an annoymous member from my church. I didn’t reach my goal to repair my violin completely, but that’s $22 more than I had. That’s so awesome! My life really could have music in it but only with your help!

Like my posts? Want more? Be the first to contribute NOW at It’s all up to you. Thanks for looking out for me Lex and my friends from church! http://igg.me/p/555630/x/4196431

I want to show you my appreciation by giving my good advice and food for your soul, right here on The Quest.

Want more hair-inspiration? More blog lov’n @ http://www.brightersides.com/brightersidesblog/2012/07/five-tutorials-for-styling-long-hair/

P.S. Andrea’s Choice A Completed Look for straight hair for naturally curly hair ❤

O P E N until 8

“Books have given me a magic portal to connect with people of the past and the present. i know i shall never feel lonely or powerless again. Having your dreams shattered really is nothing compared to what many others have suffered. i have come to believe that the most important purpose of a dream is to get us in touch with where dreams come from. Where passion comes from! Where happiness comes from! even a shattered dream can do that for you.” – Lisa Bu

Goodbye Apathy

The Nine Sectors of Your Whole Life

Family Personal Time Relationship
Work Leisure Contribution
Friends Hobby Personal Nourishment

Does your whole life consist of your relationship? Or are you too busy with work? “Each area requires 100% commitment (awareness, perseverance, & patience.) Participate as if you count. This grid reduces fear of loneliness.” I wrote that in my Progress Report journal while I read Ph.D Susan Jeffer’s self-help book “Feel the Fear…and do it anyways!”

These are the categories she suggests. You can fill them with what’s meaningful and purposeful to you. She instructs to take a few minutes and visualize what you’d like each quadrant to look like, and then ask yourself what specific steps can you take in that direction. Write it out and be descriptive. Taking accountability in setting short term goals – achievable goals – that you can complete in the next week or three days will help you complete your long term goals.

I can imagine inner peace for personal nourishment, so I can proactively participate in an activity, say yoga. Time management is key. My advice is to take on projects you can finish quicker, so you’ll have time for the bigger projects. It takes me 15 minutes in the morning to do my breathing exercises, poses, and drink two cups of water, whereas sometimes I don’t get the opportunity to privately study for 3 hours. I’d feel worse if I wasn’t doing something – but don’t be so hard on yourself.

This next exercise will help out with your Time Management skill. The Integrity Mirror was suggested by Ph.D Tal Ben Shahur in his self-help book about his positive phycology course he teaches at Harvard. In his book HAPPIER, you record the activities you participate in & the duration. For example, you spend 4 hours on facebook. Labeled: Activity, Time, Meaning & Pleasure – on a scale of 1-5, how meaningful was it for you to be on facebook for 4 hours? How good did it make you feel, did you derive satisfaction?

Then decide if you want to spend more or less time on facebook.

There are habits that can be detrimental to our health. For some reason, we abandon our strengths when we need them the most. This keeps you on track to do the things that make you happy. Remember, whether you believe you can or can’t, you’re right.
– Don’t live with the result of other people’s thinking
– Don’t do anything that you’d feel ashamed of later
– Do live in the present moment
– Do give yourself a pat on the back
There are 24 hours in a day. I divided my activities with the amount of hours, and I found I can spend 2 hours on each activity, with 8 hours of sleep included.

I have time to paint, time to read, time to love, time to work out, and time to enjoy a movie, time to volunteer, time to be with my sweetheart.

The only thing I don’t like about this is the mindset it can put you in, like you can control what happens to you. You can make a conscious effort to get the outcome you desire, but not everything works out accordingly. The future is uncertain. For example, in my life right now my biggest focus is getting a job. I do my best with what I have – I’m persistent with managers, I dress for the motto “if you want to be successful dress prosperous”, keep track of whose hiring, but I can’t control the market. I had a job for one week at a Chinese restaurant, and the manager, Shawn, told me on the last Sunday “So we not real busy, I’ll call you when we get busy.” I applied for the company my mom works for, she works from hom… and my computer bleeped up and ruined the interview, thus disqualifying me for the job.

In his memoir, The Last Lecture, Randy discusses the brick walls that stand in our way. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want something. Don’t give up, we should never give up. “As I see it, if you work more hours than somebody else, during those hours you learn more about your craft. That can make you more efficient, more able, even happier.”

Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?


Before I left to California, I was steadily trying to gain weight & I was obsessed with growing your own food. Self-sufficiency. I theorized that the cure to depression was becoming self-sufficient. I learned that a human has to participate in life – a stewardship, a contribution – i learned that digging your hands into the soil raised serotonin in the brain, vibes to feel happy.

The Russian astronaught who holds the record for the longest time spent in space had to grow wheat to keep himself from feeling depressed (which affected his physical body.)It gave him and his crew something to talk about, and it gave him something to care for.
The body and the mind are connected.

Blackbird