The Quest for an Abudance in Sunshine

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Venus in Furs

When its hard to fall back asleep at 3 AM, I embroider. It’s below 30 outside with strong winds, so sneaking outside is like hiding in a freezer. Lately, it seems like I’m too busy breathing and existing to create much, unless I sleep for a couple of hours before I start a project. I will start to eat more. Eating tiny morsels is a great way to get your body feeling lethargic. I’m picky. I calculate too soon how much fat is in that “Not” butter, but 58% hydrogenated oil.

I tell myself things will get better once I have a job. Which leads to the most focused assignment – employment.

As I lay in a drugged coma, my body is tired, I spend five minutes imagining forthcoming fame, # 101 in 365 ways to Live Happy.

I  use sensory details. The confidence in my voice, bearing professionalism. The brightness of the hospital floors, the smell of disinfectant and order. I’d give the manager a firm handshake, but I’d make him or her laugh and the pressure would lift. All my answers will be thought out and meaningful. I’ll go for the classy look.

Today is Tuesday, and I haven’t settled on a theme for Tuesday. Tomorrow is DIY Wednesday though, looking forward to what I’ll get my hands on.


# 171

Baby steps. Boost up morale. Key word is attainable. Remember that every day you must work towards completing these goals. You can visualize all day about your dreams, but you can’t choose to be inactive or emotionless. Instead, replace procrastination with a beneficial habit.

April’s Lifelines

dream job — 1 daily quart of water —

squishy clutterbug — utilize frames —

legendary MTG — narrative fiction — read 3 novels

— fitness tuesday — movie madness — adorable french braid

— wood wedges —  laundry

Some of my suggestions for success: devote 30 minutes a day to achieving one of your goals. I’m going to get my calender now, and “graph my goals”, that’s what I call it when I put icons on dates that I want certain things to be accomplished. It helps with visualization.

I’m also not worrying about things that don’t matter, and pondering how to be the type of friend I also want to have as a friend.


Tell Me That You Need Me

There’s a few side quests I’m currently undertaking for a better way of living.



Try smiling after a family disagreement. (: I discovered it’s harder to harbor a grudge with a smile on your face. This ties in to think happier thoughts. What makes you smile? LAUGH without holding back, and if it’s too hard to smile then take a breather, this too shall pass.


What an epic speech, you end up giving the gentleman a round of applause to the private glow of your computer monitor. You can’t help it!
I asked Edwardo how to best listen, and he explained that you must discipline your mind and pay attention. “Most of the time when you’re discussing something to someone, they are thinking about what they are going to say, or about whatever concern they had, or what they want to do, they didn’t hear anything you just said, couldn’t repeat a word back to you, gosh i hate that.”

I’ve always admired Edwardo’s ability to engage in debates with a strong opinion, and hold on to his belief. It occurred to me that what made him a powerful speaker was the fact that he paid attention to the opposing side’s perspective.

I don’t always stay in the room with the person I’m with. Sometimes I’m in my own little world. I was always told to look at the person in the eyes when you talk to them, but I know it’s much better to keep your chin up horizontal from the floor and look down with your eyes. It keeps me emotionally engaged.

Also, THINK TWICE. Imagine a carpenter with his measuring tape. He measures the distance twice.

Also, i got this tip from psychologist Tal Ben Shahar: listen to music attentively. You know, listen to the drummer, the trumpet, the lyrics, a band is a collection of talents. I have my own little secluded section cut off where I can just drown in music, and i devote one hour at least to the songs I dig the most.

Music is in our soul.

Sharing with you now a song that lifts me up.


I like to take this into a sexual context. I am in a healthy relationship with my high school sweetheart, so spice things up a bit. Confidence in bed is divine.

Also, I noticed that Edwardo praises me every time I paint. While I’m painting, I’m unafraid to introduce the draft to him, even when I’m feeling low and discouraged and like crap, like I don’t amount to anything, and then his love rearranges the universe, with kindness he kills the pessimistic trespasser and with a comforting voice says, “I think your painting is coming along great.”