The Quest for an Abudance in Sunshine

where you find: the key to happiness, personal experience, a redhead's poetry, book reviews, new science, nature, rock'n alt. medicine

“You manifest y…

Can I successfully explain this man full of light that I met by fate? It was a coincidence that I was on my way to travel 3000 miles back home. It was a coincidence that he loved nature like me. On our hour long drive to the bus station Tiger, he introduced himself, shared stories of his life in Hawaii. “The chief always eats last. A great king will make sure his people are fed first. But ah – what the king will eat! He will have a great feast.” He sang a song about Trinity County that he wrote for someone special. “You’ll find me, in Trin-ee-tee.”

I was amazed by this man’s profound faith. He was such a positive spirit. He was explaining how he would build a salmon house and leave it up, with the tools, so someone else who walks his path can utilize it to catch and eat good fish.

I said sheepishly, “You uh, you have a lot of faith. I mean, you walk in it.”

“You hit the nail on the head! That’s what my name means.” Not Tiger. He was referring to his long hawaiin name I can’t pronounce. Then he went on to tell me that his strong faith

in the power of beautiful nature will help it flourish, and help the world flourish. I agreed, admitting, “By taking care of the earth, her metabolism, in effect, we help our metabolism. Gardens were created as little paradises, not only to serve physical needs of man, but spiritual needs too.”

He was grateful to meet me. It was meant to be to sit beside a man called faith, NOT FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING. He told me I could create beautiful things, just plant a heirloom seed. How different would life be, if we respected the people we meet this way? With respect and appreciation for its existence, would we gain a better insight on how to respect and appreciate ourselves?

And taking his advice, do you realize how important your thoughts are?

Follow Me.

The Quest for an Abudance in Sunshine had some loyal followers before I digitally vanished.

Here’s my latest quest, my new blog

And if you’re a crafty bishh like my facebook page

Let The Animal Inside Your Body Love What It Loves

I woke up again in the middle of the night after a four hour sleep, feeling anxious as if I was back in the restaurant. In my dream I was dropping the customer’s money, it was all getting mixed up, and they were all impatient – I already knew i wasn’t getting a tip from any table. It’s been like this almost every day for a month straight, and I’ve only worked there since the end of May. I am so unhappy as a server – it’s not as easy sounding as “delivering food” but I’m not here to justify why I feel so ashamed that I shut my eyes tightly, wrapped in my blanket, next to Eduardo. Tears seeped through the cracks of my eyelashes and spilled into my other eye. All I wanted was for those around me to have happiness. I’d been away from Florida almost 2 years. I have the things I wanted that I didn’t have – whenever I felt bad about my job, I wrote down the things I was grateful for. Remember when the trailer you lived in didn’t have a shower or place to wash dishes? Remember when you didn’t have a car, and you had to walk 11 miles to town just for a job that paid you under the table? I’ve been reading blogs about people who leave their lives in New York or some city, who leave their mortgage and their coveted 9-5 job for van life. I’d love a slower pace job, where I didn’t wear a uniform and run around refilling drinks hoping that guests left a dollar over 10%, to cover tipshare. Hoping I didn’t get sat a 17 big top. I’d love a job where I was at a desk, even if the hours dragged by, at least I’d be treated fairly. All I wanted was for those around me to have happiness – I was so grateful to have this apartment with my AC, and a place to shower, because I remembered having to take showers at my Aunt’s when I had the chance, and laying naked in the trailer, sweating in the Florida summer. It was so hard to find a job in my last town, but here in East Texas, you could pick one up at any glorified fast food place. And here I was, finally with the things I needed for basic survival, i could afford food and gas and the internet, a fridge, things most young people take for granted. And here I was, my soul silent, because I was so bitter. Bitter that my mom had to work to death. That Eduardo couldn’t make movies. That I wasn’t a writer like I dreamed of being since my earliest memory, stuffing receipts and envelopes into my great grandparents typewriter, so i could hear it chirp like a bird.

I am reluctant to leave my position for something that doesn’t pay as much. If you’re an experience server, and can handle waiting on 30 people, you bring home a lot of money. I know servers I work with bring home almost 500 dollars a week. Plus my 2.15/hr, I make at least 10/hr. But the stress – the abuse, sometimes it doesn’t bounce off me.

I’ve spoken to my manager each time I got overwhelmed, a brief one-on-one in his crammed office. He has a way of making decisions for me. I told him I wanted nothing more than to work a few times a week and that i’d find another job. “you want more hours? I’ll give you more hours. And there’s nothing to feel ashamed about not being able to handle this, we’ll give you a 4-table section.” But still, I was trapped in the weeds, and I could tell after messing up with that big top, he wanted to fire me. But he needed me to cover his split shifts – the lowest ranked shift on the totem pole.

I tell myself to stay positive, it’s money every day and if I do this for a year, I can go back to school. And then I started to cry, because there are so many symbols in my life that meant I wanted to reinvent myself. The violin I finally got, but can’t tune. The pharmacy technician trainee certificate, a sign that I wanted to be better at math. My hula-hoop, a plastic circle that symbolized my passion to dance. But I had tried to get into ballet, and that was too far. (You can read my other blog, HALO for that chapter) And all the blogs i printed out about living in a van and traveling, because I wanted to see my family, and because I wanted to go to the mountains.

I fought back tears because I knew that if deep down, I was not living my purpose, how tortured does Eduardo feel, not having the money to produce his movies? How does my mother feel, wanting to go to college, but not having the time or energy from her job?

And then, it struck me, that I should just pick up my violin, drive to the next town in my beat up Pontiac, and get it tuned, and play outside, and ask people to donate money so i can have lessons. ( offers in depth online tutoring for less than 25 bucks a month! )To drive to my friend’s house and ask her if I can borrow her ballet barre dvd and install a “barre” from the bamboo Eduardo cut down. That I should go to the library and print out the free pdf file from, and buy the medical dosage calculations books and study. That I should buy an LED hoop so I can get lost in my flow.

And I kept thinking about all the books that affected my life. I’ve always believed that certain books come into your life at the time you need to read them. How at one point, I stopped reading fiction and poetry so I could read about war, history, and travel memoirs and spirituality and yoga. And I knew, deep down, I needed to write books.

it’s a compelling

necessity. all my friends i miss are the enlightened ones.

People who get turnt up in heaven

and spend some one-one-one time with


(spiritual teacher’s name here.)

I have no idea how I’ll have the guts to walk back into that restaurant tomorrow.

I lost my dignity, the other night – the place was jam packed and chaotic.

For you. I keep telling myself,

the only reason why it felt like hell

was because of you.

“You are the cause of your own heaven and hell.”

After one point, my mind couldn’t focus. I was tense and upset over what guests were saying.

I wasn’t the strongest character that day.

I realize now that I should’ve tried to act happy.

Stay into character, and role play like the words indeed

rolled off my shoulders, bounced off.

I let the pressure get to me, and fighting back tears I forgot to put someone’s food order in.

So every one had their food except for the large baby.

Then a table walked out on me. And I’m sure some people got free drinks.

I had like 8 tables. 9 tables at one point. I’ve been there 30 days. I’m counting.

i kept grabbing my hair, a really OCD habit of mine.

Trying to remember.orders

When it occurred to me.

Feeling Anxious? Be Alert!

Originally posted on Teachings Of Masters:

When you feel anxious, anxiety-ridden, what is one to do? What do you ordinarily do when anxiety is there? You try to solve it. You try alternatives, and you get more and more into it. You will create a bigger mess because anxiety cannot be solved through thinking. It cannot be dissolved through thinking because thinking itself is a sort of anxiety.

This technique says don’t do anything with anxiety. Just be alert!

I will tell you one old anecdote about Bokuju, another Zen master. He lived alone in a cave, but during the day, or even in the night, he would sometimes say loudly, “Bokuju” — his own name, and then he would say, “Yes, I am here.” And no one else was there.
Then his disciples used to ask him, “Why are you calling ‘Bokuju’, your own name, and then saying, ‘Yes sir, I am here’?”
He said…

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INSPIRATION: All the Crazy Hair from the 2014 International Hair Championships in Frankfurt, Germany

Originally posted on the ULTRA:

Just when I was having a severe hair slump, up pops some majorly fierce hair inspiration to shake me outta that rut.

The 2014 OMC Hairworld World Cup (yes, you read right: this is the WORLD CUP of hair styling) took place in Frankfurt, Germany in early May.

The event, which takes place annually, features the avant garde and outrageously creative work of hair crafters from 50 corners of the globe.

Across 38 styling categories, the artists extraordinaire crafted everything from fierce bouffants, edgy muti-coloured and multi-dimensional bowl cuts, bee-inspired ‘dos  and crazy feathered, coloured styles with fish scale shapes sculpted into the nape, highlighted by splashes of neon brights.

Some seriously impressive work on display! Worth a look if you are seeking some inspiration for an outlandish ‘do for yourself or a shoot! Or perhaps even a wedding or work function?

Time to put down the crimper and hair…

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Animal I Have Become

“Help me believe it’s not the real me

somebody save me from this animal i have become.”


Lately, I feel like something is holding me or changing my personality. You’re encouraged to find role models to inspire you, maybe even look up to your successful peers. But all i see is a reflection of all my failures and imperfections. I noticed my life was taking a different path than my fantasy. Would my reality ever live up?

Eduardo coached me on some basic Bruce Lee jeet kune do. He was explaining about connecting a punch to your enemy. “You have to WANT your punch to make a connection with your target. Do you understand?”

I want to make a huge impact on my life. I think I’ve died a little bit every day, trying to understand the formula for abundance. Will i spend the next year working as a sever? Or will I find the courage to pursue a better career path and truly believe that deep inside me is a novel or something short of a masterpiece? 

What’s pertinent now is to change my perspective on my reality. I’ve come to realize that the horrible events that have transpired in the past have shattered my identity, but on a positive note, I am more sure of who I was. I know now where dreams come from.

i know that i have a lot of things i need to let go. sometimes i feel like i’ve forgiven myself completely, and then the next i don’t know how to let her go.


Bear With Me

It’s been a year since I’ve started this Quest and here’s what I’ve figured out:

– it’s all about your mindset. change your mindset, change your destiny

– presentation is everything. dress prosperous. image is a construction and others are easily disillusioned. you will be vulnerable.

– take risks

– travel more, see more forests, more oceans, more mountains, more rivers, more cities

– don’t be afraid to feel beautiful

– keep your promises, including the ones to yourself

And that’s all I can remember. It’s very windy, the whoosh pushes the doors open and lifts the curtains as if being visited by a presence. I want to dazzle this blog, it’s bland. Bear with me (: I’ll start taking pictures with my new camera and check out what wordpress has to offer. Lately, I’ve been lollygagging on pinterest, organizing my boards. I’m anxious to show you my product hauls. LMS

make up baby

i know i’m not the only one who feels reflective, except I ponder if I think back too far. Let’s see how far we’ve come, and I’m alread 21, on the threshood of adulthood, the most beautiful I’ll ever be perhaps, and a feeling of longing overwhelms me. There’s so much I want to become, but this is who I am right now: a young lady with tender feet, just gaining her independence.

The old me, for a very long time, was very depressed. I still refuse to believe that I have a disorder, and that my severe saddess and self-loathing ceases when i accept  who I am and begin to love my imperfection. These things had to happen in order to shift my perspective. Forgiveness and acceptance. I started to learn who I was all over again, and this is an exhilerating process; to rediscover your passions and blossom.


I don’t fight my hair as much. (As a matter of fact, I haven’t straightened my hair in 3 months) and I’ve learned to do things I love in variations. I love my skin, mastering the basics of a matte finish. I don’t play with dark eyeshadows as much at all as i used to, and I have lots of nudes and pencils to play with. I fucking love my freckles and red hair and I’m happy the way I am. I picked up The Hobbit and I’ve never read any of the lord of the rings books before, as much as a bibliophile as i am, and it’s so wonderful to emmerse yourself in something like fantasy. I lose track of time.

My next posts are going to be reviews on the beauty products and movies i’ve hauled since i started working. Remember, I’m not a celebrity, I don’t live in a huge city. Our neighbors own a huge 2 story house with 14 acres, including horses and red barn with that bright white X on the large door. I don’t work at a hospital and make 25 dollars an hour, people aren’t asking for my autograph; I’m a waitress.










Why the eff didn’t you watch these TED Talks? The 2013 edition.


really makes me ponder

Originally posted on TED Blog:

Perhaps you are looking forward to a new and hopeful 2014; perhaps you see late December as the perfect time for reflection and resolution. I’m pleased to let you off the hook. This is the time when you should look back at your year and focus on the question: What TED Talks did I miss? Lucky for you, the 2013 edition of “Why the eff didn’t you watch these TED Talks?” — which, amazingly, you seemed to like last year — is here. New and hopeful is fine and good, but I’m more in favor of not forgetting the old, the weird, the mystifying, the liminal and the hidden. And so I give you: My favorite 11 under-loved TED Talks of 2013. Be ready to be mildly chastised for missing out on them the first time around.

Andrew Solomon: Depression, the secret we share
If you haven’t seen this talk yet, you’re excused, as…

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4 Hair Styles with Bandana

I have my own collection of bandana’s and this is a perfect guide to easy styles. Must-haves for extremly curly hair, not just for the bad hair days but to have more natural days.

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